Sunday, December 28, 2008
I am His child.
I just love the imagery of that.
As a child, we are pretty much hopeless in this world.
We depend on our father for everything.
He takes care of us through everything.
We know so little compared to Him.
When I'm scared, I want to run into His arms, because He'll always help me through.
When I'm excited and joyful, He'll celebrate with me.
He never gets tired of us.
I want to grab onto His ankles as He drags me across the floor.
I want Him to put me on His shoulders so I feel like I'm on top of the world.
I want Him to teach things to me like a father teaches his son.
I love Him.
I couldn't have asked for a love remotely close to His love for me.
His love is never ending.
And it gives me all the joy knowing that.
He is my Father.
I am his son.
Friday, December 26, 2008
He keeps order in the chaos.
He keeps peace in the busyness.
He keeps love in the hate.
He IS love.
He keeps beauty everywhere.
He IS everywhere.
He is always forgiving. Even when we don't deserve it.
He is always merciful.
He never stops giving.
He will never leave us. Even in the darkest times.
HE IS THE LIGHT. THE HOPE.
He is everything I've ever wanted. Everything I need.
He is my hope for a better life.
and I owe it all to him.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
So tonight I went to TNL (The Next Level Church), which has been a huge blessing to me. The sermon given was about listening to God. The speaker said that most of the time, we wait for God to tell us something at a convenient time, instead of setting aside time to listen to Him. So laying in my bed, I was contemplating what God was doing with my life. I've been having a hard time in school. I had to withdraw from one class. And I don't think I did so well in a few other ones. It didn't feel right. I just haven't been that motivated. I decided I don't set aside time to listen to Him as much as I should. So I tried what Samuel did in the Bible. I said "Your servant is listening. Lord, speak to me." Nothing. Then I realized I was listening for words. God rarely speaks to us through actual speech. So I said it again. "Your servant is listening. Lord, speak to me." I heard a plane fly by overhead. At first I really didn't think it meant anything. Come on, planes fly by ALL THE TIME... at 1:45 in the morning. I said it once again. "Your servant is listening, Speak to me Lord." Nothing happened for a little bit, then I saw a light out of the corner of my eye. It was the light from my laptop slowly fading in and out, kind of like it was calling me to use it. So I decided to use the two things I noticed. I used the computer to search about airplanes. My eye came across "How stuff works", describing how airplanes work. I clicked on it, and the first thing it showed was an illustration of an airplane (as you see below).
It said that Lift=Weight and that Thrust=Drag. If you decrease the drag, it allows the plane to go faster. If you decrease the weight, the plane can go higher. Every plane must have the thrust (engine) and the lift (wings) in order to fly.
So when I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that I need thrust and lift in order to get anywhere in life. The lift from the wings come from God. God is the only when that can truly lift us. And the thrust, or the motor, engine, Propellor (etc...) is my motivation. So I've got God, But I just need the motivation. Great. Back where I started. I knew that I needed motivation from the beginning of the year. I went back to bed feeling let down. Then I remembered again what it had said earlier. If you reduce the weight and drag, the plane will go faster and higher. I feel like I had the motivation, or the propellor, but it just wasn't being used. So I believe that instead of focusing on trying to find motivation to get through school, I need to focus more on letting go of the drag, or the weight. That was it. This past semester has been a rough one trying to get over someone. In fact, ever since I got into girlfriends, I have been having troubles with school. No matter what I try to fix in my life, it always comes down to one conclusion. I need to let go of everything and surrender it all to God. Then He will take care of everything for me, including my motivation. My propellor. It's nice to know that now I need to focus more on surrendering everything to Him instead of trying to figure out everything on my own. Now how do I do that? How do I fully surrender? I need to forget about my past. It's all over. This is a PERFECT time for me to start over. But how exactly? I hope to find out really soon.
Friday, December 12, 2008
I have recently finished finals. And I'm not able to leave till Saturday. This morning, I woke up at 7 to pack my keyboard in a car that was going back to Colorado, but wasn't taking me. After they left, I couldn't go back to sleep. Thank God. I got out of bed and grabbed my guitar. I went out to Seven Palms (A very beautiful amphitheater here at APU) and started to wrap up my new song. I wrote a new song on acoustic guitar, because I haven't in a while. It is about my ex. I know... I should be over that by now. It's been on and off. It's weird. It's titled "The Last Song I'll Write For You". And it is what it says it is. It's the last song to get the last of what I've wanted to say out there. After the second chorus, I couldn't just do a bridge and chorus again... I don't like the typical, though I usually end up doing the typical. The song is very interesting, because after the second chorus, I play a different chord progression, and sing lots of lyrics to it as I play it about ten times. Then, when I've said the last point, I play a completely different chord progression. It seems to be a new song, which couldn't have fit more perfectly. I end it very quietly. It feels like a different song compared to the start and finish, which is exactly what I wanted. In a way, I've ended one song, and I've started another with my life. This is a huge turning point for me to move on with life. And it feels absolutely outstanding. As i went to put my guitar back, I met up with a friend I've been hanging out with more recently. We ended up going to breakfast, along with two other guys who were very much fun. After the long conversation and full stomachs, we went back to play foosball. And then left to go to Amvets (Amvets Thrift Store. A very good thrift store I might add. There's one right down the street, and I haven't gone to it once yet this year). I got myself a pair of sweet 80's sunglasses. It doesn't sound like that much of an exciting day, but it just felt different. It felt so much better. But as for now, I must clean my room, maybe read some of The Shack, then hopefully get to hang out with them more =) I ABSOLUTELY LOVE meeting new people. It's amazing. Well I'm off now... HAVE A HAPPY DAY!!! =D
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Today was a slow day in room 117 of the Warren Music Center. Music Theory. We were doing stuff I already knew how to do, and after I was called to the board I had nothing else to do, so I made some videos. Here's one of them. My friend Natalie got called to the board.
I am going to miss this class. the students in it are so much fun, and the teacher is outstanding and hilarious.
I am going to miss this class. the students in it are so much fun, and the teacher is outstanding and hilarious.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Winter. I LOVE IT! But I miss it. Colorado had the best winters in the world. I really miss the snow. Winter in California is very different. The only thing that's really getting me right now is the sun. It sets way too early. 4:45. And it's only going to get sooner up until the winter solstice (which is unfortunately my birthday). Winter is a black and white season (Which is cool, but colors are so much more important). The reason it's not good is because of my S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I get depressed because there's not as much sunlight. I'm getting better at it, but it's still there. I felt it every winter for quite a while. But the two worst winters were my sophomore and junior years of HS. I remember getting in fights with my parents. Bad fights. I hated it. I felt completely terrible and hopeless after. I promised myself never to get in such bad fights again. Just thinking about it makes me feel terrible. I would spend some nights crying. A few of those nights were uncontrollable. And so close to Christmas too. It was terrible. My senior year was very significantly better. I think part of it was because my sophomore and junior year, I had girlfriends that were manipulative and/or didn't get along with my family. I also had a girlfriend my senior year, but she wasn't manipulative, and she lived in Florida. So that was why it was much better. Again, I'm not TOO proud of my High School relationships, but I did learn a lot from them. this year is about the same as last year. The only difference is that this is my first winter since my freshmen year that I've been single. It's good for me. It's helping me deal with it myself, and become a more independent person. But it's still hard. I haven't cried at all. I don't think I will... At least not for the reason of being depressed... Maybe for just missing my family or something. I just hate nights like these... when I feel very apathetic and a little empty. I really really miss my family. I want to see them now. I can't wait for 3 and a half days.
Please pray for everyone that struggles with S.A.D.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Check out this video. It's an ad for the Sony Bravia. You should check out the other two they made as well. One is with paint, and the other is with claymation bunnies! =) The best part is this is all real. There are very few special affects, if any at all. You can check out the "making of" videos as well. It's all LEGIT!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wow. What a morning. It started off by falling while jumping out of my bed and getting a coffee to keep me awake for Health Ed... Fun Class? No. After I went back to my room. Shortly after my roommate comes back and gets in bed. I remembered last week when I went out to the track and listened to my favorite band (Owl City). It felt really good. So I decided to do it again. I brought my homework, sat on the bleachers, and listened To Jason Mraz's new CD (We sing. We dance. We steal things.). Let me tell you, this CD is DEFINITELY a feel good CD. It's hard to find feel good CD's, and especially make one... unless your Jack Johnson. I STRONGLY recommend this CD. It's incredible. If you like Jimmy Needham, GET THIS CD! Just do it. After I did my homework I put on my "Chill" playlist. It consists of Jack Johnson, Matisyahu, and Sufjan Stevens type of songs. I love looking at the mountains in front of me, along with the green grass, palm trees, and blue sky. I noticed that a Running class was out on the track. They looked miserable. Who wants to run for an entire class? Then I saw a dog running with them. But the dog was ecstatic! and he never stopped running. It was the happiest dog in the world. It only had a track, but it was running like it was free and had the entire world to run. When's the last time you wanted to run as fast as you can because you felt so free? When's the last time you wanted to roll down a grassy hill and get as many grass stains as you can? When's the last time you truly let go of all your problems? As I was thinking about all this, a song came on my playlist. Wash Away by Joe Purdy. Thank God for Joe Purdy, and ESPECIALLY that song. Talk about letting everything go. If you want to feel free and let everything go, listening to that song would be a great start. Everything "washed away". I felt so free and happy. I wanted to run as fast as I could. I wanted to jump into the clouds. Suddenly everything was so joyful and humorous... like noticing how everyone picked up their pace when they ran past Bryan Clay. Every little thing made me happy and I couldn't stop smiling and laughing. If someone was sitting near me they probably would have thought there was something wrong with me. When I finally came back to my room, I noticed how dark and colorless it was. I couldn't believe I had spent so many mornings in such a dark room. I wanted to share about my experience. But I couldn't do it in my room. So I grabbed my computer and went outside at a table to start typing. It's like I'm starting to get addicted to working outside in the sun. And I LOVE IT! I am going to try my hardest to make this a habit. No. An addiction. It's a very healthy addiction. Thank God for the sun and palm trees. For moments of peace and freedom. I haven't felt this good in so long.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Relationships... yup. I almost regret putting this on my blog. But if you're having a hard time getting over someone, should you go to them? No. That's a terrible idea. So I went to my trustworthy blog! I've been a victim of High School dating. My freshmen year I was single. Then I had a girlfriend my sophomore year, a different one my junior year, and then one more that started halfway through my senior year. The most recent one ended a few weeks into College. the main reason it ended was because it can be harder for some people to be honest in a long distance relationship. And I say that in the most lovingly way possible. Why is it so hard to get over someone that you grew so close to? Each breakup got worse. But I always end up walking away learning something new and very important for relationships. But why is it so hard? Who knew one person could mean so much to you? I blame myself for the most part. The way I've been dating is not right at all. It's extremely important to put God first in a relationship. Otherwise it totally goes downhill. I learned this after my 2nd relationship. So I was sure I'd get the next one right. I would put God first. I couldn't. And I know this sounds like "duh, of course", but I knew that I wasn't right with God first. You can't go into a relationship thinking that this person will help you get closer to God. They probably will, and it's good to do that, but you can't just depend on that person to do it for you. You need to get right with God before you go into a relationship (the "duh" moment). I've been working on my relationship with God. It's been getting much better, but how do you know that God is officially first? I feel like I'm way too busy all the time. One thing that really helps me is this: I use my talents that God has given me to grow closer to him. I'll play piano or guitar, and just start singing how I feel. God has given me the gift of being able to improvise and play and sing a whole song from nothing. I am so thankful for this. I'll sing my feelings about God. Sometimes, I'll sing my prayers. I feel very peaceful after that. I know that everyone has heard this: "Don't run looking for your spouse, Run to God, and you'll find your spouse running right next to you". At a school with a lot of pretty girls, this is hard to do. I haven't fallen into hooking up or finding another relationship, but I can't lie, it's fun to think about how some relationships could work. I just need to keep my eyes on Christ. I'm sure that my way of dating will be completely changed with time, and growing closer to God.
Please pray for everyone who's going through hard relationships, and trying to figure out what to do, and what they might be doing wrong. I can relate to them. If you're one of those people, I'd love to talk. Pray that I can keep my focus on Christ more than anything. That's what I need more than anything right now. Pray for my future spouse too. Thanks! and Thanks for reading.
As some of you may know, Westmont was attacked by the Tea Fire. It was even a preview weekend for Westmont. The Tea Fire spread very quickly. An acquaintance of mine and his friends for Westmont came to visit a few weekends ago. We were all from Colorado, and we all got along very well and I made friends with them, so hearing about this was tough. I can't imagine what it would be like. One of the guys from a few weekends ago (Tyler), and Austin came to APU to chill until classes resume. They say the earliest that it'll resume is wednesday. But many are doubting that considering many professors lost their homes and are trying to find a place to keep their family. Tyler and Austin have still not gone back to their dorm yet. They had to get to the gym in a rush, and didn't have time to go back to the dorm and get anything. The crazy part is their attitude. They know that God is looking after them, and they aren't too worried at all.
The main reason I posted this is because I am asking everyone to pray. Pray for Tyler and Austin, and of course everyone else that is enrolled at Westmont. Pray especially for those who have lost everything. The professors that lost their homes need a great deal of prayer right now. Pray for all the fires in California. There have been a lot. As I got out of a movie tonight I noticed that the air looked very smoky, and smelled smoky. I found out that there's a fire 20 minutes east of APU. I'm sure God is looking after us. But pray for those that don't have a good chance with the wildfires of California.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
College. Freshmen Year. Craziness. No parents. No rules. Every teenager's dream right? Most post-high schoolers take this advantage to be a rebel. I'm proud to say I haven't fallen into temptation... At least not to drinking/drugs/girls/whatever most people fall into. For me, it's become a chance for me to open my eyes to possibilities. What's stopping me to do the things I want to do? Since our room is the most popular room on all of first and second east, I take my alone time in practice rooms so I can play piano and release my emotions. I've been thinking more about my future, especially next summer. I feel called towards many things. Unfortunately, I don't feel that Kanakuk is one of them. Kanakuk Colorado. I went every year from Diaper Deal to Super Deal. I've made outstanding relationships. Every one of my siblings went as well, and my two older siblings both worked there since they were able to. So I guess you could say people expect me to follow in their footsteps. I love following in family heirloom, but there's also a time to set yourself apart. This next summer I feel called toward something new, with new people and new places. Jamaica is a possibility. Malibu Young Life is another possibility, though if I want to do that, I better act quick. It just feels refreshing to break away from the same old. I first experienced this when I decided to go to APU. My older brother and sister both attended Point Loma. And I LOVE it, but when I visited APU, i thought to myself... 'Oh, more choices.' So that's where I'm headed next summer. Something new. As of being in California.... I already miss Colorado. Yes. California is a lot of fun, and sunnier year-round (which is good for my S.A.D.), but there's something about home, no matter where it is, that makes you feel right when you're there. I miss getting out of my tosaty red 4runner and feel the sudden chillness as i close the door. I miss seeing my breath as I unpack instruments out of my car to play a show that no one would come to in downtown Denver. I really miss staying up all night in my bed and looking out the window at the very bright and silent sky that brought little white fluffy flakes of joy to the ground (Over-dramatization). Colorado. I look at my CO flag and Ski Resort poster every single day (both gifts from my amazing sister before heading out to Cali). I can't wait for Thanksgiving. I've found that the people I can relate to the best are people from Colorado, and APU has a reputation of getting a lot of students from CO. I've made so many friends at this incredible place, but my closest ones are those from CO. Overall, I'm so grateful for this opportunity. Thanks to an incredible Men's Chorale Director, I've realized how much I take for granted. I feel ashamed that I've taken so much for granted up to this point. I am incredibly fortunate to what God has given me. I want to help people that don't have as much as I do, becuase I know they can further show me what a fortunate life I have.
That was pretty much a rambling of many things I still have to sort out in my life. Thanks for listening.